DUIS and the DMV

I spent my Saturday at the DMV. Why? Because I think they like to send people there at the most inconvenient times.

“God I just love renewing my license and spending time with the city’s finest at the DMV on my weekend time.” –said no one ever

So I walk in with a positive attitude.

This won’t be bad. I brought a book. This won’t be bad. I have to do it anyhow. This won’t be bad. Shoot, the parking lot is kind of full. This won’t be bad. Crap, the line is really long. This won’t be bad. Ticket number 601. This won’t be bad. Oh, what number are they on? This won’t be bad.

529. FML.

And that’s how 2 hours of my Saturday went.

I had the distinct pleasure of sitting beside a gentleman who couldn’t have been much older than myself. He was very nice talkative and told me how this was his second attempt at renewing his license. Nice. Okay. Let me read my book, sir.

“You must be wondering why it’s taking me so long to renew my license?”

No, no I was not.

“You see, I had got a DeeeeYEWWWWAhhh when I was 19. I had to do all sort of community services to get clean again. I had a probo officer and all. Then I got anoder one when I was almost 21 and I was so pissed, because I wasn’t even that drunk. I got effed over at the check-point and they said ‘Sir, please get out of your vehicle.’ I was under the expression they had to ask me if I was drinking first and none of that legal hogwash. So I questioned him, and that’s just about when things got bad for me. Would you ever question a police officer?”

Yes, just once…and only to ask: Why in the hell you weren’t incarcerated for driving drunk as a 19 year-old and again as a 20 year-old when the legal age for consumption is 21?

I do realize there are grammatical errors galore in that exchange. This falls in to the category of “I Shit You Not”. I should know, I listened to it for an hour and 45 minutes.