There are a lot of bloggers out there who tout “keeping it real”. Heck, I’m among them. But sometimes it’s hard to “keep it real”. It’s hard to put yourself out there, feel vulnerable and not know what to expect in return, because a part of all of us just wants to be accepted.
One of the hardest things in life for me is admitting when I’m wrong about something. Ask Dane, he’ll tell you that getting me to withdraw from an argument solely to prove a point is about as likely as a mermaid spotting. There are things I have done and said that I look back and shake my head at–what was I thinking? Moving forward, I try to learn from those mistakes and keep them in mind when similar situations arise.
Why am I telling you all of this?
One of the best things I ever did for myself was at the beginning of this year. I made a list of my strengths and weaknesses, because it was easy for me to keep telling myself that I really needed to work on XYZ things, but never follow through because they weren’t staring back at me on a sheet of paper. One of the weaknesses I listed was to was that I tend to obsess and worry over things I have virtually no control over. It’s definitely a work in progress, but it’s one that has been weighing heavily on my mind, especially with an upcoming deployment.
Yesterday I received word that my beloved chocolate Lab, Maddie, was not doing well. She wasn’t moving around and was barely eating. Naturally, my first instinct was to cry, scream and question God as to “why?” I think there is a certain aspect of human nature that instinctively makes us question everything just as soon as it doesn’t go exactly how we wanted it to, for no other reason than we want answers. Any logical person would realize that being 5,000 miles away limits the capacity in which you are able to help. But me? I immediately began browsing airfare back to Pennsylvania and holistic treatment plans for ailing pets.
When I just couldn’t stare at my computer screen any longer, I walked over to the beach and sat to watch the waves. I’m not sure if it was the salty air or being “all cried out”, but my senses woke up. I came to the realization that there is a certain cycle of life, there is a master plan and there is not a single thing I can do about it–$1,300 plane ticket or not. For the first time in my life, that realization kind of made me feel at ease. There was nothing I could do and as sobering a thought as it was, it was the truth–and I was content with it.
For the time being, Maddie is still with us, and I am so grateful for every prayer that you all have sent after seeing my post on Instagram yesterday.
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