On Judgement

Once upon a time I read a great quote from a post Amanda wrote regarding asking friends’ about things. She wrote:

I got so much feedback, mostly the kind I didn’t want to hear and
frankly, didn’t need, because the only person whose opinion mattered was
Jake[husband]. After that, my mind was made up.


But I couldn’t stop “talking it over” with everyone and anyone who
would engage me on the subject. Some of the things I heard back made me
question my relationships and wonder what the people in my life
really think of me, and not in a good way. Months later, some of their
opinions still ring in my ears. People saying this was essentially just a
step toward being a full-time housewife, and while that prospect
doesn’t bug me per se, I hate knowing what the people
in my life will think of me if that’s the road I choose. They’re
certainly entitled to their opinions, but I’d really be better off not
knowing them.


There are people, like Jake, who truly don’t care what other people
think, and they don’t waste their time – or anyone else’s – by
soliciting feedback and advice.
I’m not one of them.  But quitting my job taught me why I should
be:  

If your mind is already made up, but you’re still seeking input,
you’re not actually looking for guidance – you’re looking for
permission.

BOOM. That last part hit me like a ton of bricks. For the record, Amanda’s blog is usually not so serious and a ton of fun–so go check it out. But I really appreciated this post from her. The candid nature in which she talks about our yearning to feel accepted and appreciated struck such a chord with me.

Maybe it’s the current season of my life but…

Why am I so afraid of judgement? Why do I care what other people think regarding the decisions I make for myself and my family? Why is it so important to feel accepted for what I do?

All of these things are SO TRUE. I constantly seek validation for making choices and strive to meet the social norms of what is acceptable for someone my age.

So what am I getting at here? In terms of my professional career, Army life has been hard. Is this what I saw myself doing when I was in college? Absolutely not. Has it been fulfilling? Some days. I think letting go of what I planned and what others think is something I really need to focus on and I’m working on it, slowly but surely.

Have you ever had these feelings? Are you living the life you had imagined, or something different altogether, but not necessarily bad?