Why Assembling IKEA Furniture Is Like Couples Therapy

Have you heard? IKEA now offers couples therapy. It comes in the form of assembling their furniture.

Let’s rewind…

As Dane and I sat nose to nose on our kitchen floor at 9PM on Friday night assembling a grill from hell Walmart, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the time we fought like crazy worked really hard to assemble a bed, two nightstands, a dresser and a TV stand from IKEA. We vowed we would absolutely never put together another piece of furniture, but here we sat…kicking off our weekend with approximately 1,000 pieces of metal, screws and a wrench made of tin foil.

Note to everyone reading: 

No matter the cost, always choose the assembly package FROM ANY STORE. It comes at a cost for a reason. The reason is that you will want to rip your mother loving hair from your head strand by strand and the stores know this. They capitalize on this opportunity to dive into your wallet and clap their happy little hands in delight when you pass up the option at the register.

Now, back to the therapy. For the low cost of whatever your furniture costs, you are able to:

1. Identify issues that someone else (obviously not you) is causing. In the case of IKEA, this usually means deciphering photo manuals with absolutely no written direction. WHO MADE THIS?! WHY IS THIS SO COMPLICATED?! I WOULD NEVER MAKE A MANUAL SUCH AS THIS! CLEARLY THIS PHOTO IS WRONG!

Ah good…identifying the problem.

2. Communicating effectively. What begins as OH, I THINK WE NEED THIS PIECE quickly turns into I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU DON’T SEE THAT WE NEED TO TAKE THIS CIRCLE PEG AND INSERT IT INTO THIS SQUARE HOLE WITH THE HELP OF SIX CLOWNS AND A MERMAID. GOSH, ARE YOU STUPID?!

I think we’re getting somewhere here, so last but not least…

3. The resolution and finished product (produced only through blood, sweat and tears of a virgin) makes you feel happy, accomplished and full of a sense of pride. You identified issues, improved communication and worked relentlessly to rectify the situation at hand.

If you were wondering, we never managed to eat dinner Friday night, because the grill took 2 hours to assemble and all we both really wanted by the end of that nightmare was a drink.

P.S. 

I have the utmost respect and love for IKEA and their company. This piece is satire and meant only for a good Monday chuckle. Peace, Love & Allen Wrenches.