You Can’t Fix Ugly – What Queer Eye Taught Me About Self Love

If you saw my Instagram post over the weekend, you know that I’ve been really into manifestation lately. If you didn’t see my post, then let me share my sentiments here…“I’m only as good as the people + vibes I surround myself with. I’ve been majorly into manifestation lately when it comes to my life, career and beyond. The short version? What you think and feel and what manifests are always a positive match. EVERY DAMN TIME. I’ve learned that two of the most powerful words you can ever say are “I AM…” because whatever follows it is what shapes your reality. How will you finish the phrase?” 

I think it’s safe to say that we have all struggled with self-doubt and self-esteem issues at one point or another in our lives. I know I have. In my looks, health, career and relationships — I think that self-doubt and self-esteem are only natural if I’m being totally honest. We live in a world that makes it incredibly easy to play the comparison game. If you’ve never fallen into that trap – high five, that’s awesome. But I think more than a few of us can raise our hands and say that we’ve fallen prey to it.

So many friends recently have encouraged me to watch the “Queer Eye” show on Netflix. It wasn’t that I was hesitant to watch it, it’s just that finding time to settle in when I’m not trying to finish a book or writing project has been a challenge. Last night, I finally settled into the first episode and within minutes, I knew what the commotion was about. I found myself really connecting with so much of what the “Fab Five” was throwing down. Needless to say, if you haven’t taken the opportunity to watch it, I highly suggest it as someone who is only a couple episodes in, yet eager for more.

The first episode’s title is “You Can’t Fix Ugly” and as soon as I heard the man, Tom, say it, my heart shattered into a hundred different pieces. Sure, he was using it as a comical defense mechanism, but you could see in his eyes that he had resigned himself to the hamster wheel mentality he was living in. Tom had been divorced three times over, lived in a small apartment and wasn’t confident about his body or the way he dressed. I won’t spoil the rest of the episode, but one of the sentiments that really struck me (I took notes, people, that’s how invested I became!), was this:

Tom keeps saying he’s “ugly” and the Fab 5 tell him “that’s the only ugly thing about you”. “You can’t control your appearance, but you can control your confidence.” MIC DROP.

And this is why I’m sharing my manifestation journey today, because after hearing the feedback on my Instagram post and then being whacked upside the head with that episode, it was clear to me that it wasn’t a coincidence. What you feel, what you repeat, what you think — all of it — is what you become.

If you’re constantly comparing your life to someone else’s internet highlight reel, OF COURSE you’re going to feel down in the dumps. OF COURSE you are setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations. But – if you’re in the practice of waking up and saying “I am worthy of success. I am happy. I am going to ace my presentation/pass my test/clean out my inbox.” You will be astonished at what actually unfolds.

Now I get it – you’re probably sitting there shaking your head, because when I first was introduced to the concept of manifestation I felt a little bit of the same way. I’m a type A/practical person and this all seemed a little bit too laissez-faire for my liking. So I started slow and began using my journal as a way to keep track of all the things I was putting out into the universe. I made sure to date things so I could easily look back and reference them. When I really got into the swing of this, I started meditating and using that time to think about what I wanted to manifest for the day/week.

Trust me when I tell you that you will be amazed at what a positive mindset can do for you, your confidence and your life. Am I perfect? Absolutely no. Am I an expert? Absolutely no. But I am learning and I am using what I’ve learned to create a better existence for myself and my family and at the end of the day – isn’t that what we all strive for?

I would love to start some dialog in the comments about manifestation. Do you practice it? Do you meditate? What is your opinion on all of it? How would you finish the phrase “I am…”?

All photos captured by Cait Steinberg Photography and make me feel exceptionally happy when I look at them 🙂